I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
