me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
