fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Randomize
