You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
