After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
