Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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