I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
