I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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