One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
