im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
