The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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