he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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