Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
