No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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