we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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