i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
