i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
