Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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