I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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