You just made me feel so damn special
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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