I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
