You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
