my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
