I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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