The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Please don't give away my fajitas
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
