Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
