I accidentally burped into my bong.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
