I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
