'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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