A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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