rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
