So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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