I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
