seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
