Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
