Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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