I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
