when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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