She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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