I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Drake has all the answers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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