whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
