Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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