My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
