guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who died my cat blue again?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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