Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
