What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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