I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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