i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
