but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we should paint friendship bongs
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