Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we're so committed to being not committed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
