you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
