Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
