Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
