Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I want is dick and wine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
