I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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