A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
