we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
