we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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